Fifteen years ago, it became necessary for me to walk away from my corporate roles.
By then, I had spent my entire professional career in development banking. I understood credit, compliance, accountability, and the importance of stewardship. I knew why policies existed. I understood the responsibility involved in recommending and approving the disbursement of funds which did not personally belong to me. More importantly, I had spent years helping others understand these principles as well.
They were not merely procedures.
They reflected values.
They protected people, organisations, and the integrity of the decisions being made.
Then the environment changed.
I found myself being asked to proceed with matters which I could not reconcile with the principles I had spent my career upholding.
The expectation was not that I should find another way, navigate competing priorities, or strengthen the rationale supporting the decision.
The expectation was that I should ignore the principles altogether.
Do it anyway.
Do it now.
And ultimately, it would be my signature attached to those decisions.
I understood the responsibility which came with that signature.
I understood the accountability which followed.
I also understood that the paper trail would remain long after the urgency of the moment had passed.
The more I considered the situation, the clearer it became that this was not going to end well.
Not because I was unwilling to adapt nor that I was incapable of understanding what was being requested.
But because I knew myself well enough to recognise that intimidation was never going to work with me.
I knew that threats would strengthen rather than weaken my resolve. And significantly, I knew that continuing down this path would eventually force me to choose between external expectations and my own understanding of integrity.
I had to decide whose rules I was prepared to live by. Theirs or mine?
Looking back, I realise that self-awareness often reveals not only what we are capable of doing, but also what we are unwilling to become.
The decision to leave did not feel courageous at the time. It felt necessary.
Years later, I understand that it was not surrender. It was congruence.
Understanding the environment helped me recognise the challenge I was facing. And understanding myself clarified the decision I needed to make.
Many leaders eventually encounter their own version of this dilemma. While the circumstances differ and the pressures vary, the underlying question remains remarkably similar.
When external expectations conflict with deeply held values, whose rules will ultimately govern our choices?
Perhaps becoming is not only about discovering who we are capable of becoming, but also about recognising who we are unwilling to become.
Reflect & Apply
1️⃣ Where are you experiencing tension between external expectations and your own values?
2️⃣ Which principles are non-negotiable for you, even when there is a cost attached to upholding them?
3️⃣ Whose rules are currently governing your decisions?
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Courageously,
Monica Rogers-Fletcher
Listen to Whose Rules Will Govern Me?