It’s sometimes hard to believe what you are hearing is true. Especially with so much research and infoIt’s sometimes hard to believe what you are hearing is true. Especially with so much research and information readily available, you wonder how a decision like the one confronting you could have been made. One which appears to defy all logic.
Your first response is, “Surely there must be a way around this.” Until, as impossible to accept as it is, you are forced to recognize you are powerless in the situation and that there is very little you can do about it.
What confirms that recognition is that you have previously seen for yourself that those who dared to object were put in their place. The arguments they made, supported by what appeared to be sound evidence, were dismissed while the practical concerns they raised were not addressed.
The consequences were obvious. The likely impact on lives, careers, families, businesses and even entire communities could be significant.
Yet it did not seem to matter. The decision was made and there were no signs of it being unmade. What was done was done and it seemed there was no getting around it.
So what do you do in a situation like this? One where you feel helpless to change it. Where every reasonable request for reconsideration seems to fall on deaf ears. When you simply cannot make head nor tail of what could inform decisions which seem so contrary to reasonableness in light of the available information?
I imagine this experience is not uncommon. Perhaps the circumstances are different. But most of us have found ourselves wanting desperately to change something which in that moment, we sincerely believe we do not have the power to change. Whether it’s a family situation or something which happens at work, the situation is undeniable.
Your reality is being formed by someone else’s thinking.
Though you know there were other better options…and different choices which could have been made, yet these are the ones that were selected.
Still, you don’t give up. You explain, you reason, you argue and you hope. If you keep it up long enough, perhaps someone will listen. Or better yet, this time something will change because sometimes it does.
After a while you begin to wonder whether this is an exercise in futility. Should you keep hitting your head against the wall of a decision which you do not have the authority to make…or do you face the reality it created and try to find the best way to navigate it?
That became a defining question for me as I went through this experience. I did not stop caring, nor did I suddenly agree. It occurred to me that I still had a decision to make.
I would not have chosen for myself what someone else had already chosen. But it was still my decision what I would do next.
It was up to me to decide how far I would go and what I was willing to accept. I had to rely on my discernment to determine my minimum requirement for safety and how I intended to protect it.
Those had to be my decisions, regardless of the circumstances.
Looking back, I have come to realise that life continually presents us with situations we cannot control. We cannot change what is not ours to change. Nor can we take charge of what lies outside our control.
We cannot expect to find safety in environments which no longer provide it. However, we can decide how we will navigate them.
Circumstances create the environment. The decisions we make within them reveal who we are becoming.
Reflect & Apply
1️⃣ Where are you still trying to change something that is no longer under your control?
2️⃣ What decision still belongs entirely to you?
3️⃣ How will you use that discretion?
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Discerningly,
Monica Rogers-Fletcher
Listen to When Reality Stops Making Sense