There was a time in my career when my responsibility was to facilitate high quality decisions by presenting feasible proposals based on objective evaluations.
If a request aligned with policy, principles, and good judgement, it made sense and I did not hesitate to support it.
If it did not, I questioned it. When I could not reconcile the responses with the standards I had spent my professional life upholding, I rejected it.
That approach served me well for many years.
Until it didn’t.
When the environment changed, I found myself confronted with decisions which simply made no sense to me.
My conclusion was straightforward. This made no sense. Allowing it to happen would assuredly carry unbearable consequences to all parties. Usually when I outlined the potential hazards, there was discussion.
Until the day I heard, that is not what we asked for. We want it done.
I could not put my signature to that. Even back then I understood that once I started to go along, it would make me a of a behaviour which I could not align to.
Looking back now, I realise there was a question I was not yet asking.
What manner of thinking would consider such a request to be entirely reasonable?
That question changed everything. It did not cause me to agree with the decision. Nor did it change my values.
It changed what I was trying to understand.
For the first time, I began to recognise that decisions don’t usually appear in isolation. They are the visible expression of invisible thinking.
A way of thinking often shaped by beliefs, priorities, assumptions, experiences, incentives, fears, and values. We often judge the visible while remaining blind to the invisible that produced it.
When we focus only on the decision, we risk misunderstanding both the decision and the the thinking which produced it.
When we begin to truly comprehend the thinking which produced it, we are better able to decide how we should respond.
Ironically, this has become one of the defining principles of my work.
As a coach, I seek to help the client understand their own thinking before they can make a decision.
As a leader, before responding to a decision, I seek to understand the thinking underneath it.
When observing current affairs, the decision made and the visible outcomes, I seek to understand the thinking behind them before assessing the implications not just of the actions taken but also of the possible consequences.
And in becoming, I have learned to understand my own thinking before trying to change my behaviour.
The applications are different.
The principle is the same.
Understanding is not agreement.
It is discernment. It enables us to distinguish between reacting to what we see and responding with better judgment in understanding what produced it.
Looking back, I realise that my younger self was often quick to reject decisions which conflicted with my values.
Today, I am just as committed to my values. The difference is that I have become far more interested in understanding the thinking before deciding how I will respond.
Perhaps one of the greatest shifts in becoming is moving beyond asking:
“Is this right or wrong?”
to asking:
“What way of thinking could consider this request to be reasonable?” Therefore, what else should I be looking out for. If this way of thinking produced this decision, what other decisions might it produce?
That perspective has changed not only how I coach. It has changed how I lead, how I learn, and how I understand the world around me.
Reflect & Apply
1️⃣ Which recent decision have you judged without first seeking to understand the thinking behind it?
2️⃣ What assumptions, priorities, or beliefs might have influenced that decision?
3️⃣ How might understanding the thinking improve the quality of your own response?
📘 Be the Person You Dream of Becoming is available on Amazon, in RIK Bookstores nationwide, or directly through me.
I help leaders develop the awareness, clarity, and decision-making capability required to understand thinking before responding to complexity.
Invest in developing leaders who think deeply before they decide – and let their growth multiply your business success.
Remember, your success is my business.
Discerningly,
Monica Rogers-Fletcher
Listen to Understand the Thinking Before Deciding