Sometimes I wonder how doing what I knew was right led me somewhere I had not planned to go. Years ago, circumstances forced me to leave a job which had been central to my career.
I was Corporate Manager, Credit, and had been instructed to approve a disbursement which I knew was contrary to the rules. I initially refused but was not allowed to.
So I did what I trusted was the right thing: following procedure where I could, documenting where I could not, protecting the institution and fulfilling my professional responsibility.
Yet it ended with me walking away from a career I had worked so hard to build. I understood very well that the strategy I had used on that occasion had little hope of being sustainable.
I had to ask myself: How could doing what I believed was procedurally correct have led to an outcome I certainly didn’t want…most certainly not then?
Hold that thought. We’ll come back to it.
Big dreams. Little preparation.
Fast forward to more recently. I am part of a team which plans and hosts events. It can be very exciting. Big ideas. Large attendance, major impact. Huge expectations! It was easy to almost taste the success each time.
But my role in finance required me to identify the risks. What would it cost? What would be needed to ensure profitability? How much revenue would we need to cover those costs? And how many paying patrons would that require?
It was my responsibility to manage the tension between the good intentions and their feasibility. In my eyes, it boiled down to whether the impact we sought would be paid for from our pockets or generated from the event.
The enthusiasm, confidence and, of course, the hope that everything would work out were certainly there! And hope is a wonderful thing.
But hope doesn’t pay the bills.
If we don’t understand what financial success requires, how can we make the choices necessary to achieve it?
Are they truly listening?!
Then there’s the person in charge who complains that nobody listens. The frustration is easy to imagine.
You hold the vision, give instructions and outline what needs to happen. You’re responsible for achieving the results you want. Yet the people you lead just aren’t doing what they’re told!
So you repeat yourself. Louder this time. Still nothing.
You raise your voice. Perhaps a few choice words escape. Eventually, you’re shouting, cursing, insulting people. After all, you’re in charge! They should listen!
But you soon recognise that the louder you get, the less people seem willing to cooperate. Some withdraw. Others become resentful. A few do just enough to avoid trouble. From where you sit…nobody is listening.
But what exactly do you mean by listening? Have they not heard you—or are they simply not obeying you?
And if what you really want is commitment, cooperation and initiative, what is your behaviour actually producing?
Silence when what you need is understanding. Compliance when what you need is commitment. Fear when what you need is trust.
The very behaviour you’re using to establish authority may be undermining your ability to lead.
So who made this mess?
As I reflected on these experiences, it gradually became clearer…people can genuinely want good things and still behave in ways which undermine them.
They may want successful events but neglect the preparation necessary for success. Seek cooperation while using methods which generate resistance. Crave understanding while communicating in ways which deliver almost the opposite of what they wish.
We can become so convinced that our actions are justified in pursuit of the results we want that we fail to recognise what those actions are actually producing.
We keep planting lettuce seeds and wonder why we’re not harvesting tomatoes!
The problem isn’t always what we want. Sometimes it’s how we go about getting it. Often not recognising the impact of the way we behave while pursuing what we want.
Now, about that job…
For a long time, I could look back at what happened and say, with conviction, that I had done my best. I had found a way to comply on that occasion and my departure was justified because the strategy could not be sustained.
But as I grew in awareness and began examining the relationship between our choices and their consequences, I started seeing something I hadn’t recognised before.
I had been so focused on standing my ground that I hadn’t sufficiently considered whether there were other ways to handle the situation.
The system was what it was. The people exercising authority had their own expectations. I could not change those realities simply because I believed I was right.
But perhaps I could have exercised greater discernment in how I ultimately responded.
Perhaps I didn’t need to stop standing my ground, but to learn how to stand my ground more effectively.
That was an important discovery in my own journey of Becoming.
I could not change what had happened. But I could change what I understood about it, what I learned from it and how I would choose to act in the future.
And that is one of the reasons I believe so strongly that we are not defined by who we are today, but by who we could become if we learn to see and choose differently.
Reflect & Apply
When we don’t like the results we’re getting, it’s natural to examine what other people did, what went wrong or what circumstances prevented us from succeeding.
But what about our own contribution? What if the way we’re pursuing something we genuinely want is helping to produce the very outcome we’re trying to avoid?
And what if we’ve become so accustomed to our own behaviour that we no longer recognise its consequences?
In Be the Person You Dream of Becoming, I write:
“What you can’t—or won’t—see, you can’t change.”
Perhaps the most useful question we can ask when things aren’t going our way is not simply, “Who made this mess?”
But:
“What part did I play in creating it—and what could I see, choose and do differently?”
If you’re ready to examine the assumptions shaping your choices, recognise what your actions are producing and discover how to become more capable of creating the future you want, I invite you to read Be the Person You Dream of Becoming, available on Amazon, at RIK Bookstores or directly through me.
Keep becoming.
Monica Rogers-Fletcher
Listen to WHO MADE THIS MESS? YOU? ME? BOTH?